Insert Coin: Ocarina of Time

Nintendo is easily one of the most influential game companies/kabushiki gaishas out there. Founded in September 1889 as history’s oldest game company (actually, it started a playing card company), the company has sold over 600 million hardware and software units as well as generating nearly one trillion dollars in its revenue to become the globe’s largest company in terms of revenue. It is known for some of gaming’s most notorious, beloved, and influential game series and consoles, and currently has over 4.9 thousand workers. Nintendo is a rough Japanese translation of “leave luck to heaven”–sorta like how Hogwarts’ Latin motto translates to “never tickle a sleeping dragon”–and it clearly sums up their history in gaming, as they’ve made lots of misses and near-misses within the fiscal portion of gaming. Some of Nintendo’s most notorious sagas include Mario, Star Fox, Kirby, Pokemon, Metroid, Kid Icarus, Punch-Out!!, and Legend of Zelda. In fact, Zelda is what we’re gonna be talking about today. Alongside Pilotwings 64, in 1996 Super Mario 64 was released as a launch title for the Nintendo 64 and was easily acclaimed for showing the console’s capabilities and is honored as one of the greatest games ever created. Two years later to continue the trailblazer Mario 64 had begun, Nintendo decided to put Zelda into the action with their own game to initiate the series’s free-roaming 3D perspectives. The rest, as lots of people say, was history.

Link uncovers the game’s titular instrument, the Ocarina of Time. And boy, does he look happy…

THE HISTORY

I don’t know who you are or where you’ve been if you’ve never seen or heard about this game. Especially with all the slack that’s been cut for it critically and financially. Anyway, as the first 3D installment in Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of Time had rather big shoes to fill to practically decide the fate of the series. The game was actually developed initially to be released on the Nintendo 64 peripheral, the Nintendo 64DD, DD being short for “Disk Drive”. However, when the peripheral was never released out of Japan due to its commercial failure, the game was converted to a cartridge worth 32 megabytes, which was Nintendo’s largest-capacity cartridge made at the time.

THE STORY

Series hero Link is fooled by antagonist Ganondorf, the king of the Gerudo thieves (and the human form of classic Zelda baddie Ganon), to lead the way to the Sacred Realm and allow Ganondorf to get his filthy hands on the fabled relic known as the Triforce to turn Hyrule’s beauteous landscape into a barren wasteland. Now Link must mend the problems he aided in creating by getting help from townsfolk as well as his annoying but faithful fairy companion Na’vi to travel through time to gather the powers of the Seven Sages. These are powerful allies of Link that each have the power to infinitely seal away Ganondorf. (There is a Sage of light, fire, forest, water, shadow, and spirit.)

THE RECEPTION

• “…a game that can’t be called anything other than flawless” – GameSpot, 10/10
• “A break-through title from Nintendo that deserves all the hype and praise it’s gotten” – IGN, 10/10
• Guinness holder for highest-reviewed game of all time (as of 2008 and 2010)
• Fourth highest-selling Nintendo 64 game of all time (behind Mario 64, Mario Kart 64, and GoldenEye 007 as first, second, and third)
• Highest-selling Zelda game on the Nintendo 64
• Grand Prize winner in the Japan Media Arts Festival’s Interactive Arts division
• Six-time award winner at the 2nd Annual Interactive Achievement Awards
• Runner-up in Official Nintendo Magazine‘s “100 greatest Nintendo games of all time”

THE TRIVIA

• Did you know that Ocarina of Time actually featured an Easter egg that took a big wink towards Star Fox 64, as you were able to press B to conjure an infinite amount of fighter planes that you could destroy?
• Did you know that Link’s horse, Epona, was named after the Celtic horse goddess of the same name?
• Did you know that four of the Seven Sages, as well as semi-antagonist Mido, were actually named after towns in Zelda II?
• Did you know that Malon, a female worker within the Hyrule Field, wears a brooch/pendant that resembles Bowser’s head?
• Did you know that she, alongside her dad Talon, are named after Marin and Tarin from Link’s Awakening?
• Did you know that the four Poe sisters in the Forest Temple are all named after the four protagonists from the novel Little Women?
• Did you know that Impa, one of the Seven Sages, was actually first seen in the instruction book and back story for the original NES Zelda?
• Did you know that Hyrule Field is practically the game’s “overworld”, as it linked all dungeons and small areas together? Since the game designers were unsure whether or not such a big 3D area could be shown within the N64 system, they instead made a castle with paintings to be the game’s hub. Link could access different areas by jumping through paintings, similar to that of Mario 64. However, when Hyrule Field was proven possible to incorporate, the castle was recycled and turned into a dungeon known as “Ganondorf’s castle”, where the painting transportation system was still used.

THE SAY

Now, I truly have to agree with all the critics and gamers that deemed this game aesthetically impeccable. At first, I tended to roll my eyes whenever I found Ocarina of Time being praised in a game magazine, a game countdown or list, a game review, etc. But when I got together with my friends and played the game for the first time, my eyes were really opened and I knew that this would be an experience I’d never forget. And needless to say, that’s why I believe Ocarina of Time has to be the best game I’ve ever played. It uses the finite level of eye candy it can present to a great advantage, managing to render character models, atmospheres, and even Hyrule itself at a stellar level. The relationship that the A button, the B button, and the C buttons all managed to share was innovative, interesting, and intelligent to work with. A controlled my sword, B controlled my actions (speak, grab, stuff like that), and the Cs operated select items that I had equipped like my slingshot and Deku-related items. Link’s voice acting felt correspondent to his actions, and controls were as sharp as his sword. That was a big task to do correctly, as the game included systems like target locks and buttons with context sensitivity. Never have I seen Hyrule in such pristine, adapted condition for a game of such epic proportions. But I’m not gonna spend my entire Say acclaiming the game, it did have some downsides.

As many critics pointed out , Ocarina of Time‘s visuals weren’t the best the N64 could’ve created–games like Banjo-Kazooie were said to boast better quality–as they resembled the blocky character builds found in games like Mario 64 or Super Smash Bros. I also found myself quickly bored within the premises of the Deku Tree’s innards, as there was seemingly almost nothing to do except run around, open chests, and climb vines after getting only the most vital pieces of the pie finished. And I frequently had to receive counsel from my friends as to where to go and how to obtain Rupees, since it’s pretty awkward seeing the Hero of Time running around in circles. So to conclude my Say, I have to at least say this: Ocarina of Time is the best it could’ve been, but not the most perfect.

Chart, please.

THE CHART

 1 out of 5 – Educational value – The game is mainly in the “entertainment > education” type but in the end it does show some time for logic and thinking to solve puzzles and problems alike.

 2 out of 5 – Positive messages – Link is a character that fights for the good guys to protect Hyrule from Ganondorf, but he almost masquerades this fact with all the combat violence he partakes in.

4 out of 5 – Positive role models – Link is a kindly and polite hero that only uses his swordsman skills as well as the power within the Ocarina of Time for good, and never in a malevolently intimidating or harmful manner. However, much like in positive messages he distracts us from this with the combat he participates in. His fairy pal Na’vi may be annoying, but she is still a faithful companion who just wants to help Link on his quest to apprehend Ganondorf.

4 1/2 out of 5 – Ease of play – The game is very simple to play, as characters guide you through the status quo one step at a time, from moving around or talking to people to equipping items with the C buttons. The button system is very easily labeled by three colors: Link’s sword is located under green (A), Link’s actions are located under blue (B), and Link’s equipped items are located under the left, right, and down yellows (C). Conversing with Na’vi is located at the top yellow (also C). Upon receiving different items, you immediately learn how to apply them to Link and how to optimally use them.

3 out of 5 – Violence – Link does partake in various situations of combat throughout the game against monsters like skeletons, wolflike beasts, and giant crabs. Link uses an arsenal containing his sword, shield, boomerang, magic, slingshot, bombs, and other weapons to fight these creatures, but rarely is there blood spilled. However, Ocarina of Time‘s combat is mainly cartoonish but still seems slightly realistic through the eye of the beholder.

 1 3/4 out of 5 – Inappropriate Content – The game’s sexuality does not go any further than perhaps some skimpy, skintight, or suggestive outfits worn by Hyrulean females.

0 out of 5 - Language – This aspect is not applicable.

2 out of 5 – Product Placement – This game is the fifth in the notorious Legend of Zelda saga, and the game actually introduces an Easter egg where Link can summon fighter planes from Star Fox, another Nintendo series. (Coincidentally, Star Fox also received a Nintendo 64-exclusive installment known as Star Fox 64 in 1997.)

0 out of 5 – Drinking, Drugs, and/or Smoking – This aspect is not applicable.

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THE SCOREBOARD

Entertainment: A+ (5 points)

Smarts: A (4 points)

Fun: A+ (5 points)

Style: A+ (5 points)

Aesthetics: A+ (5 points)

Play-Again Ratio: A+ (5 points)

FINAL SCORE: 29 out of 30 (Nirvana ), 5 stars out of 5, 96% out of 100%

CONSENSUS: Sure, Ocarina of Time may not be perfect, but it is excruciatingly close to it, as it introduces sharp controls, exciting combat, vigorous atmospheres, and arresting visuals that altogether are aesthetically stellar for the Nintendo 64. It provides an unforgettable experience that lots may call flawless, but despite its flaws is one of the best out there.

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Well, that’s for our first episode of my new series, Insert Coin! If you couldn’t already infer, it’s where I review old games for obsolete consoles like–in this case–the Nintendo 64. I think this is a pretty dang good start for the saga, don’t you? Like this post and put in a comment of what old-school game I should review next, and you could be responsible for inserting our next coin!

Stay classy America,

~S~

 

Video of the Week: As today is New Year’s Eve, I suggested that I’d go out on this year with a bang. 2012 was the host to tons of great things, from the Summer Olympics to Felix Boumgartner’s supersonic freefall, and this tearjerking video from Google conglomerates all that this year had to offer into a 2-minute video full of memories that already has 8.7 million views! Well, here’s to another great year of 2S2M! What great 2012 memories can you spot?

Some Other Not As Crucial Videos: Check out a preview of the spectacular music from Ocarina of Time composed by Nintendo legend Koji Kondo!

Page Flip: Dork Diaries (JGB CLASSIC)

(As this is a very old post that was never released until this day, back when Page Flip was still active, I consider this the beginning of my JGB Classic series despite it being a Page Flip review. Actually, this was my second and surely final Page Flip review ever released. As this was before I mastered the arts of reviewing tools like our review and score charts, don’t be surprised if you just find my opinion splattered all over the place. And don’t be confused when you see any self-made medals, I made those myself too. Of course I’d never re-edit the entire review–that takes away the “classic” in JGB Classic. So, I guess this is a clarification to eliminate all your deepest confusions. Proceed…

Sent from the future on 11/29/2012)

Hey guys, it’s Sam, and this is my second episodic post in Page Flip! Remember my last post, when we reviewed that horrible book, Big Nate Strikes Again? If you don’t remember, click here!

This book is a tad bit WORSE than that last one, sorry to admit.  This was published by a subsidiary of Simon & Schuster: Aladdin Paperbacks (pretty bogus, considering the copy I read was HARDCOVER! D:<). It is the realistic fiction novel, Dork Diaries: Tales From a Not-So-Fabulous Life.

Think of this as a girlish version of Diary of a Wimpy Kid. This came out at the crack of June 2009 by Rachel Renee Russell, and it has gotten extremely popular SINCE. It actually made it on the New York Times Bestsellers List for 34 weeks! It even scored some audio books! It is about a girl named Nikki Maxwell, who faces the most unfortunate event of her life: Having to move to a new school just because of her father’s bug extermination services contract! So that means new friends to make. New girl to boss her around. And just when she just wants an iPhone, she gets a new diary and ends up spilling about all of her stories at Westchester Country Day Middle School. From the day she “steals” Mrs. Wallabanger’s hearing aid, to the day her lunchroom incident ends up as the head article on her school paper, to the day she finds herself giving a prank that makes her little sister evermore afraid of the tooth fairy!

Let’s start with the script. It wasn’t as lazy as Big Nate, but it was outright drowned with infinite cliches! When I read that Nikki said her mom was “brain dead”, I immediately got bad feelings. If I had a dollar for every time I heard the word “girlfriend”, I could buy 3 bags of cheese puffs at Meijer. No kidding. And to think that this book got a sequel! It was just your ordinary Clique book, full of a barrel of cliches, crushes on cute boys, and gross stuff like that. And the nice touch was that it really had the girlish writing you’d find in a real diary! So what, the script is cliched to China and back, but at least have the correct font for it. If this was typed out, you wouldn’t believe how hard this book would crash and burn.

But I got to bump down some things. One thing is the embarrassing Brianna, Nikki’s annoying little sister. Brianna drains the book. She, and her anthropomorphic hand friend “borned from a marker” , Miss Penelope, brings it down. Especially to the angering point where she bites her own sister, and kicks MacKenzie in the leg! And did I forget to mention the bad grammar? Here is the extremely lame quote of Brianna:

“You can’t have my tooths! I love my tooths!”

I especially point fingers at her because she made this embarrassing song, the Rihanna remix of “Itsy Bitsy Spider”. It’s like the spider got washed away by the rain because he didn’t have an UMBRELLA, ELLA, ELLA, eh, eh, eh!

And the thing that disses me off the most is the bazillion times that Nikki says, “But I just said it in my head, so no one else heard it except me”! SPEAK YOUR MIND, MAXWELL! EXPRESS YOUR OPINION! Because people will think you’re a n00b if you keep standing in the shadow on Solitude Island!

We’ll go to the picturing next. Actually quite splendid, for a cliche book! It depicts the characters as actual humans, and only Nikki’s sketches make everyone look like humanoid stick-figures. It catches every single detail necessary and molds it into a perfect gallery of charming illustrations. It, however, wasn’t exactly PERFECT. Some times, it gets a little more EMBARRASSING than perfect.

People have given this book rather positive reviews, which makes me sick to my stomach (especially after eating a whole round of rice, beans, and jellied pancakes). On Google Books, it summed up a 3 1/2 stars out of 5 from 523 reviews. And the thing is, there are plentiful more 5 STARS than 4, 3, 2, OR 1! I’m disappointed in you guys. I thought you could actually state something that’s from the bottom of your heart. (Tsk tsk tsk…)

And they even came up with this super-lame book trailer!

The final verdict to Dork Diaries is our first-ever ONE out of 10! But, specifically, it’s a 1.2 out of 10. That’s 12%, guys. You wasted 3 days’ worth of time for me. You ruined good books that had nothing to do with you…jerk.

Consensus: Painfully cliched and crucially scripted, Dork Diaries may be the start of a hit series, but its bad start lacks heart and is a waste of mind and time.

Hopefully Rachel R. can try again in her third novel, which is due for release this June! Hopefully they’ll get a little more innovative next time.

And this was from a book publishing imprint where they could have been giving us the nextHomework Machine! You guys ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Here are the seals of disapproval this book deserves.

 Two Thumbs Down - Only books abysmal enough have the power to muster enough to receive Two Thumbs Down instead of just one. Only the writing that give readers woe, and the charms that make readers cry, and even the extras that are eternal failures, strike it rich in disappointment with this demerit.

Cliched - Like, totally. Books that, like, make their storyline a huge Clique mess, like, topped with crushes on cute boys and backstabbing, get this totally disapproving demerit for their troubles.  That’s like, SO last year!

But until then, I’m Sam, and I’ll see you on the next Page Flip! (Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get ready for soccer practice.)

- Sam

The Jolly Good Bookie’s Taking A Blast To The Past! (Plus Q&A!)

Hey guys it’s Sam. And I remember back in 2011, when I released my first-ever book review on one of my blogs. It was a Page Flip review for Big Nate 2. I remember how all-out I went, how much opinion I spilled, even the self-made demerits I gave it. Anyway, it’s been over a year now, and my book reviewing has taken lots of big changes–it turned into Jolly Good Bookie, I added a reviewing chart, a score chart, Amazon and Barnes & Noble prices, fun facts, et cetera. So basically, I’ve had a long history of book reviewing. And it’s surprising how far I’ve gone. How many perfect scores I’ve given, how many recommendations I’ve suggested, and so on. And I remember that on this blog, one of my first-ever posts was a Bookie review for the tenth Goosebumps book, The Ghost Next Door. Ah, good days. And that’s not the only Goosebumps book I’ve read–I’ve actually read almost the entire series. And I’ve decided to go back to these roots by doing something that no squeamish book critic would dare do–I’m going back to the beginning.

I’m pretty sure this was the first Goosebumps book I ever read. 

As of now, I mainly expect to be putting up a lot more Goosebumps book reviews, but I also might be putting up my reviews of those Babysitters Club books I have. If you have any recommendations for a book review, put them in the comment section and I’ll take them into consideration. If you hit me up at the right time, I might even turn your request into a reality! So yeah, make sure you really are subscribed to this blog so you’ll be notified when my first Goosebumps review comes out! And in case you’re suspicious, here’s a little Q&A session for ya:

Q: How many Goosebumps books do you have?

A: As of now it’s 22, counting the Series 2000 book:

Q: Why do you appreciate Goosebumps so much?

A: Apparently my brother used to read them back in the day–they were a hit when they debuted in the 90s–and I seem to be merely a 2nd-gen reader. And at their greatest points they’re amazing. Then again, at their lowest they’re terrible.

Q:  If you could sell a Goosebumps book from your collection–not that I’m saying you would–which one would it be?

A: I’ll likely just follow my quality method and pick the worst one I’ve read of the bunch–Attack of the Jack-O’-Lanterns.

Q: Speaking of the worst one you’ve read, what’s the best one?

A: Likely A Shocker on Shock Street.

Q: Do you read any new Goosebumps anymore?

A: I would, but A) My school’s a bit too mature for those kinds of books anymore, and B) Goosebumps Horrorland doesn’t seem too promising.

Q: What will you do when RL Stine confirms that Goosebumps has come to an end?

A: Are you kidding me? I’ll still hoard keep all the books I have from him, maybe get back into Rotten School a bit more, but mostly I’ll keep my collection as memorabilia in his honor.

Q: If you could write your own original Goosebumps book, what would it be called?

A: Probably My Best Friend’s a Vampire. It was the first installment in my unfinished Thrills & Chills horror book series.

Q: What is this Thrills & Chills you speak of?

A: I think I first penned the idea of the series while hanging out in my brother’s room. I wanted to make a series like Goosebumps but without any actual foreshadowing to it. I didn’t want to rip off the series in all. So I created the first book out of fresh blank paper, probably as big as those pamphlets you see sometimes. Heck, I even painted my own cover! Unfortunately, my first installment never made it past chapter one.

Q: Gee, sorry to hear that. Anyway, if you could continue at least one Goosebumps in-series saga, which one(s) would it be?

A: I definitely want a Night of the Living Dummy IV, although it’s probably the most generic saga of the series. Deep Trouble III sounds like it would sum up for Deep Trouble II‘s cliffhanger ending, and–although it wouldn’t be likely–I wonder how Monster Blood V would sound. Also, I definitely want an Attack of the Mutant II, maybe a Werewolf Skin II–and I think that’s it.

Q: Wow, such broad opinions. Anyway, to sum up this interview, if you could meet RL Stine what would be the first question you’d ask him?

A: “Are you working on any new children’s books?”

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So, I guess this is all pretty self-explanatory. So subscribe, like, comment, reblog, share, and stay tuned for more awesomeness here at 2Sam2Mwak: when Sammwak just isn’t enough!

Stay classy America,

~S~

P.S. You might want to beware too, because in the future you’ll be in for a scare when my first Goosebumps review [in a long time] comes out…

Video of the Week: There are few YouTube channels I subscribe to that have an amazing upper hand when it comes to animation. Especially animated comedy. And one of those people is mrweebl. After having joined YouTube in April 2006, the channel’s first two [live-action] videos only garnered a little past 100,000 hits. The first two animated videos they did only garnered almost 200,000 hits. Where they first struck gold was with their 40-second animated song “Pork” which gathered over 4 million hits. Future songs like “Kenya“, “Mango“, and “Narwhals“–which, at almost 30 million hits stands as the channel’s most-viewed song–truly exemplified the channel’s talent in animated music. But this song went way beyond that. It inspired the channel’s first mobile game. It has 3.7 million hits since November 2010–it is “Russian Dancing Men“. (Hey, that rhymed!)

Nickelodeon and Its Big Plans Heading Into Future Years…

It’s kinda hard to believe that in 1977, Nickelodeon pioneered the name itself of a kid-centric TV channel under the moniker “Pinwheel”. Luckily, it was already Nick by 1979. Anyway, Nickelodeon is pretty much the kids’ channel king, even being the #1 cable channel by early 2011, and that’s why it reigns as one of the “big three” kids’–y’know, I think I’ve told you that too many times by now. Unfortunately, Nick’s ratings took a horrible triple D (double digit drop) by the end of last year, a sink even Nick’s parent Viacom described as “inexplicable”. Luckily, Nick at Nite had Nick’s back like Cartoon Network and Adult Swim, and TeenNick (since 2002 as The N) also helped out the tiniest bit. But Nick wasn’t happy with the help it already got. In fact, the people behind the channel went into daft proportions and planning to make sure that never happened again to Nick. And these are some of its biggest plans…

Victorious. It’s been nominated for two Teen Choice Awards, eight Kids Choice Awards (counting the foreign KCAs), a British Academy Children’s Award, a J-14′s Teen Icon Award, an Imagen Award, a Youth Rocks Award, a NAACP Image Award, two ALMA Awards, even four Emmys. The show’s basically iCarly with more music and more lovable characters. You might adore this show for its light-hearted humor, its innovative approach to real-life problems, or its joyful and infectious tunes–sorry, I sound like someone who works at Common Sense Media, don’t I? What I meant to say was, “You might like this show from its laughs, its perspective, or its music.” And if any of these apply to you, then I have two words to say to you: I’m sorry. Sorry you’re gonna have to cope with the fact that Victorious is practically cancelled as we speak. Earlier this year in August, show starlet Victoria Justice made it official that the show would not make it to season 4. She herself didn’t even know how and why the show was getting pounced on by the cancellation bear, as the show hogged Nick’s top spot. The show’s creator–and the founder of most of Nick’s strongest titles–Dan Schneider also noted via blog post that most Nick shows get pounced when they hit the sixty-episode mark. Even though Dan and the cast would be willing to make more episodes, Nick itself decided to pull the plug on the series. Although the cast only filmed three seasons, by the show’s cancellation Nick Chuck-Norris-chopped the third season in half which created “season 4″. Daniella Monet, whom played Victoria’s character’s egotistical sister Trina, said that the show’s official third soundtrack would be released by last Tuesday, entitled Victorious 3.0. The soundtrack’s first single, “LA Boyz”, had a music video that came out last month.

“We will not be expecting a fourth season, this is the first time I’ve talked about it. I just found out a couple of days ago that we’re not coming back. It’s sad because I’ve been with Nickelodeon since I was 12 years old and I became a family with my Victorious cast. We spent a lot of time together and bonded for sure – I’ll look back on the experience very fondly. It’s a little shocking and a little bittersweet, but at the end of the day it might not be such a bad thing – we all want to do our own thing and continue to grow.”

- Victoria discussing the show’s cancellation with M Magazine

Sorry, folks, but a show’s gotta do what a show’s gotta do. All good things come to an end. Or, if you’ve ever influenced your life to The Matrix, everything that has a beginning has an end. Or, if you’ve ever influenced your life to Justin Bieber, everything starts with something. Even I’ve been hit by Victorious‘s fate–I really did like that show. Let’s all “make it shine” one last time for the cast.

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Not to continue the bad news, but Victorious isn’t the only flame that’s being extinguished–its forefather, iCarly, is going out as well. Now I haven’t really seen an episode of iCarly since “iHalfoween”, but it’s still an equally shocking blow to my self-esteem–and to imagine this show surfaced in 2007! Now, Schneider seems to be so tattered over the series’ finale (known, by the way, as “iGoodbye” ) that he’s decided to branch the final episode into two final episodes–wait, what? I guess there’s gonna be an “iGoodbye, Part 1″ and an “iGoodbye, Part 2″ then. This ensures that the show’s fifth season will be its shortest, but the show’s 109 episodes still ensures that it’s still the longest-running live-action Nick show that isn’t a sketch comedy (beating out Alex Mack). The finale’s storyline has Carly wanting her dad to escort her to a crucial dance, Sam and Spencer fixing a motorcycle, and Freddie getting a new phone. What is it, the Pear Galaxy P III? Alright, I kid the kids, but at least–hopefully–Mr. Shay will finally show his face! The castmembers have sent out the heartbreaking news from Facebook and Twitter, sharing equally brokenhearted emotion over the series having to have their plug pulled. The trend “#igoodbye” has even spread across Twitter. Speaking of Twitter, let’s see some of those castmember messages:

“Hardest week of my life. Filming the last episode of iCarly. #memories #makingthemostofeverysecond” – Miranda Cosgrove

“Okay…deep breaths…deep breaths…(sigh) #BitterSweet” – Dan Schneider

“Headed to our last table read…for our last episode…this is gonna b TUFF…iCarly 4EVER” – BooG!e, aka T-Bo

“This final episode of iCarly is like swimming across an ocean of tears. So difficult, so fun, so memorable. #iGoodbye” – Jerry Trainor

““I love clothes and fashion…I have over 3,000 pairs of shoes…a plethora of hats …watches…Jackets…back packs etc…some I’ve had for years while others r new editions to the arsenal….today I took off a shirt that I’ll never wear again…I had no idea when I first put this shirt on that SOOO much love would follow….I had no idea that it would b a part of my life for 5 years…with this shirt came a FAMILY…NOT fans or cast mates or even crew….FAMILY! I thank you ALL for allowing me to make u laugh…smile and of course say WTF lol. Thank you for letting me entertain you ❤” – BooG!e

You can clearly see that this series finale is the real cheese. Miranda even talked about the series’ end in her featured issue of Teen Vogue in a Clevver TV episode, revealing very juicy information about her own personal future. She’s now started to bleed cardinal and gold as she’s finally gaining her spot as a Trojan at USC–coincidentally, in the field of film.  Either way, it’s been five years since I first saw just how weird a Seattle apartment can get, and I’ll never forget the memories I’ve had with iCarly, so here’s to the show in all its random-dancing glory.

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Now I know what you’re gonna be thinking right now, since I already ticked you off over Victorious and iCarly: “Oh, butter my butt and call me a biscuit! SpongeBob‘s ending, too?!” And if you’re asking that, you’re off your rocker; our porous pal and his friends are still very much intact, having already gone into their ninth season (and the first to use widescreen formatting). Now, why are SpongeBob and Patrick here, you ask? Well, remember in 2004 how Nick Movies took the show and weaved it into its eleventh official film? And remember how that movie was turned into a game from THQ the next year? Well, it’s been seven years since the latest SpongeBob SquarePants Movie-inspired activity was performed–but it’s not all over yet. To celebrate the 10th anniversary of the film, Nickelodeon will be making a SpongeBob SquarePants Movie 2. If I’m lying, I’m dying on this one. Although the film’s actual storyline is still to be announced, Viacom’s president and CEO Philippe Dauman stated that “we will be releasing a new SpongeBob movie at the end of 2014,  which will serve to start off or be one of our films that starts off our new animation effort.” This new effort they’re talking about is Paramount Animation, Paramount’s first major subsidiary in the field of animation. Needless to say, the new sequel will be its first installment, while another movie–The New Kid–has been announced but its date of release is still under wraps.

There have been rumors considering that The SBSP Movie 2 will be made in CGI, but this hearsay was broken when it was firmly stated that it would contain the same traditional animation technique as the TV show. The movie’s director will be Paul Tibbitt, known as a writer/former storyboard artist/supervising and executive producer of the show, as well as the voice behind Mama Krabs, DoodleBob, and Potty the Parrot (since 2007). (Fun fact: Before SpongeBob, he had also worked on Recess as a storyboard revisionist and CatDog as a character designer and storyboard artist. After he first began working at SpongeBob, in 2003 he worked as a layout artist on the Cartoon Network show Whatever Happened To…Robot Jones?.) The film writers will be Jonathan Aibel and Glenn Burger, the producer will be Mary Parent, and the executive producer will be Stephen Hillenburg, the show’s creator and therefore “main man”. These are the people whose roles have been confirmed in the sequel, as well as the characters they portray:

• Tom Kenny as SpongeBob SquarePants
• Bill Fagerbakke as Patrick Star
• Rodger Bumpass as Squidward Tentacles
• Carolyn Lawrence as Sandy Cheeks
• Clancy Brown as Mr. Krabs

A few weeks ago in mid-October, Paul Tibbitt also Tweeted the sequel’s logo concept, but as far as I know that logo was eventually woven into this teaser poster:

Looks pretty swag, doesn’t it? Anyway get your goggles, fix up your flippers, and send in your snorkels, because by 2014 SpongeBob is returning to the big screen in a way so big, you’ll never look at sponge baths or washing dishes the same way again.

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We already know that iCarly and Victorious won’t be making it 2014 like SpongeBob will, but Nick’s got a Plan B for that. In fact, this is probably the riskiest show pitch Nick’s ever done. But they’re doing it no matter what, and these new ideas seem to be rather grand. The first one, Sam & Cat, combines the universes of iCarly and Victorious for the first big time since “iParty with Victorious”. The show mainly pits together the unlikely duo of iCarly’s Sam Puckett and Victorious‘ Cat Valentine, as they become what we call today “roomies” and start a babysitting service to fund their venturing. I can infer automatically that all heck breaks loose after that. Alright, let’s see, you got a girl who believes you can treat a flesh wound with duct tape, and another one who’s too ditzy to know what a flesh wound is. Okay, okay, I kid the girls, but for Schneider’s first-ever crossover series–let alone in the primetime–that’s a lot of pressure. Plus, it’s also the first spinoff series not to be one of All That‘s “blood brothers”, and it’s got as much discussion headed its path as the iCarly finale. Anyway, the show is likely to hit the airtimes next year–maybe even in the spring after Victorious officially closes the curtains–and there are tons of people that are currently marked by Schneider as the “stand-bys”:

• Matt Bennett, known for portraying Victorious‘s Robbie Shapiro - Possible due to Victorious‘s cancellation. Gee, what a thorough reason.
• Nathan Kress, known for portraying iCarly‘s Freddie Benson - Possible due to rumors being spread of Schneider attempting to convince Nathan to star on the show as his character, having already made a cameo in “Who Did It To Trina?”.
• Miranda Cosgrove, known for portraying iCarly‘s Carly Shay - Possible due to her being the titular star of iCarly, and possibly something else to keep this full-blooded Trojan occupied.
• Drake Bell, known for portraying Drake and Josh‘s Drake Parker - Possible due to him apparently helping out in the show’s development, and also that during an MLive interview he foreshadowed the opportunity and chances. He may even be returning as Drake Parker–having already made a photobomb in “iBloop”.
• Liz Gillies, known for portraying Victorious‘s Jade West - Possible due to Jennette, Ariana, and Liz all being close friends, and also that she has starred on a Schneider-directed show. And did you know that Ariana and Liz first met up through that musical 13?
• Noah Munck, known for portraying iCarly‘s Orenthal “Gibby” Gibson - Possible, but it likely won’t be in the major due to him already having his own spinoff to occupy.

Darn, I gave off the next spinoff. Anyway, Gibby is indeed starring in his own iCarly-oriented spinoff–coincidentally, it’s also called Gibby. In this show, Gibby’s gotten a gig at a recreational center where he ends up mentoring four oddball middle-schoolers. Schneider had even Tweeted about filming the pilot episode of the series: “I’m here editing the very 1st episode of GIBBY (or whatever we end up calling the show). It’s making me LAUGH HARD. @NoahMunck = GENIUS! :)” Seems pretty enthusiastic to me. Anyway, Gibby will likely be premiering next year like Sam & Cat–the two could even possibly premiere around the same times. This will actually be the first Schneider-produced show with a male star character since Drake & Josh (imagine that :|), and Noah himself even made it official that Gibby would be returning in the flesh–he even Tweeted so in a live-Tweeting session. Anyway, that’s pretty much all there is to say about the new iCarly-Victorious spinoffs coming your way; I suggest you get ready for their potential premieres into the new year.

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“Remember when life didn’t suck?” That is one of the phrases you’ll hear when you visit the official ’90s Are All That website. And what this rather patronizing quote is trying to say is that the 1990s were pretty much the best 10 years a kid could live. You could play Super Nintendo or Nintendo 64 with your friends, play Pogs, or if you were alone and daring to be scared you could read your new installment of Goosebumps. And to believe stuff like Google was just being introduced in this era. 8O When 1999 eventually gave way to 2000, it must’ve been the biggest and craziest ball drop in the history of mankind. It’s not just a happy new year–it’s a happy new millennium! Anyway, the bad thing about the 2000s was that all the good Nick shows seemed to fade away, as this primarily concluded the cartoon boom/animation invasion. Some shows still managed to stand among the rubble, but all the smoke, steam, and dust eventually killed them later. For instance, All That survived its piece of the 90s craze, but died off by 2005. Kenan & Kel, its blood brother, survived until exactly 2000. Both Rugrats and Hey Arnold disappeared by 2004–you see the pattern in this? But now, TeenNick is coming to wipe the tears off of 90s kids’ eyes. To present them with the same goodness that they loved growing up with–that is, if they were a 90s kid. It is the ultimate renovation, reincarnation, and rebirth of 90s Nick as we know it–The 90s Are All That.

Now, I’m not just putting this stuff up here for nothing–I noticed something the last time I saw 90s Are All That. It was, what I call at least, a campaign. A campaign I like to call “Who Parties Like It’s The ’90s?” No, this has nothing to do with the time where 90s Are All That was Party Like It’s the 90s. In fact, lemme show you a typical template for the campaign right now, since they’re sorta like this “be right back” or “we’re back” bumps: “Who parties like it’s the 90s? [Insert someone on Twitter] parties like it’s the 90s. [Show picture of that someone on Twitter, likely in a 90s Nick-associated costume] [Insert really funny joke--that is, if you're a 90s kid]” Seems pretty straightforward, doesn’t it? I’ve been seeing a lot of those recently; one guy dressed up as Arnold, two girls used their selves to make their own CatDog once. Pretty cool stuff. If you watch 90s Are All–lemme rephrase that, if you record 90s Are All That, comment me if you see any entries to the campaign. And just to give you a taste of what the block’s like…

(If you want more of these, check out the official 90sAreAllThat channel. So far that’s all they’ve been putting up. )

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Yep, House of Anubis is coming back next year, but let’s make this summary a bit shorter to save time–more secrets, more drama, more action, more scares, more thrills, more chills, more unexpected and really unnecessary laughs, more unbearable British accents, more “Gosh, I feel like a prep boy/girl” feelings, and more awkward camera work. Seems about right.

In See Dad Run, the new sitcom on Nick, a TV dad’s ability to–whoa, wait, this isn’t a big plan heading into future years!

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Now, here’s a big plan. In fact, possibly the biggest plan going into Christmastime–oh, that reminds me–

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You know this show? It’s actually based off a book called How to Rock Braces and Glasses by Meg Haston. Anyway, this is basically a riches-to-rags story–in school. So, there’s this girl named Kacey Simon, who’s one of the clique-quality popular girls who was formerly a mean girl, but her social life skyrockets into the toilet either way when she must briefly wear braces and glasses. Ignored and shunned by her peers, Kacey finds a new way to show herself through music by becoming the main vocalist of a pop/hip hop band known as Gravity 4, consisting of Stevie (Lulu Antariksa), Zander (Max Schneider), Nelson  (Noah Crawford), and Kevin (Chris O’Neal). Now Gravity 5 due to the new member, the band’s success starts a bitter enmity against the Perfs, where Kacey had been exiled from after her incident. So, that’s pretty much the premises of How to Rock, and it’s lived to its plans for the past ten months–unfortunately, it won’t be making it to 2013. Yep, How to Rock is being cancelled too. The showrunner of the series, David Israel, had confirmed there not being a season 2 for the show back in August, and it’s set to close down by December 8th. Pretty straightforward, huh?

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Now, back to Merry Nickmas representing Nick’s outgoing efforts to bring the Christmas cheer. The album will consist of nine Christmas songs from your favorite Nick stars, but surprisingly costs $8 if you buy it off the iTunes Store. But hey–at least six people pitched in and gave the album a 4 1/2-star rating. Matter of fact, this will be–I guess–the big blowout that How to Rock‘s gonna have. Ain’t that perdy? The tracks will be this:

• “Sleigh Ride” by Nickelodeon cast
• “It’s Not Christmas Without You” by Victorious cast
• “All I Want for Christmas” by Big Time Rush ft. Miranda Cosgrove, in turn covering Mariah Carey‘s original version
  
• “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Victoria Justice
• “Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town” by Rachel Crow
• “Deck the Halls” by How to Rock cast ft. Cymphonique Miller
• “Jingle Bells” by Drake Bell
  
• “Beautiful Christmas” by Big Time Rush
  
• “Don’t Be a Jerk (It’s Christmas)” by SpongeBob SquarePants

Sounds pretty promising doesn’t it? You can preorder the album now @ http://smarturl.it/merrynickmas, but it doesn’t seem to have reached all available retailers yet. On Big Time Rush’s official Google+ account, they stated to their “Rushers” that it was only for pre-ordering as of now, foreshadowing the fact that it may not currently be out yet. Hey–do the research, come back to me in your comment.

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I think that’s about all the big stuff that Nick’s been planning. Do you have any praises or criticisms to give to the ideas? Would you want to make more plans or erase others from existence? Hey, you know who you are–subscribe, comment, like, reblog, Press This, share, tune in next time for more awesomeness courtesy of Sammwak?

~S~

Question of the Week: If you could bring back any Nick show that’s been cancelled or ended–only one–which one would it be? Be honest on this one!

Videos of the Week: This is indeed the third entry of Swoozie’s hit animated Cheating in School series. This entry is the only one that continues and builds upon another one–in this case, “Cheating in High School”. This episode, “Cheating in High School: Vol 2″ highlights Adande’s first big cheating scheme where more than two of his friends get involved, and shows probably the riskiest plan I’ve ever seen a student unfold. Will Adande cover up his tracks and make his Plan A a success? Or will he get caught and penalized before he reaches Plan B? Over 2.2 million people saw this video, and nearly 30,000 of those people let it be heard that they enjoyed the video. Hopefully you’ll become one of those people right here.

But if you want one that coincides with the topic, let’s put up this SpongeBob video. As you should know, our porous pal has been making waves (get it? ) in Bikini Bottom since 1999, putting up the series premiere directly following the 1999 KCA’s. (And for any of you that are shocked the KCAs are so old, imagine this: it first debuted as “The Big Ballot” in 1986. Talk about flabbergasted.) And it’s gone a long way to still be alive today, having survived the cartoon boom and its aftermath. Anyway, last November a YouTuber by the name of 6fanboy1 created nearly nine minutes of what he believed were the best 100 moments in SpongeBob history. It’s been seen over 5 million times, and liked over 11,000 times, but all I want to know is this–did you enjoy the video, and do you have any opinions about the choices?

George Lucas’ Space Opera Epic Gets Feathered, and the Pigs Turn the Tables

I haven’t seen an iPhone app series “live long and prosper” like Angry Birds did. From its debut in 2009, it’s spawned an official game series, merchandise, advertising with other brands like Wonderful Pistachios, a mini-series on Nickelodeon, and a rocket that soared its developer, Rovio Mobile, into the mainstream kingdom. But after a Rio spin-off, a by-the-seasons sequel, and even an intergalactic adventure through the mind-boggling boundaries of space wasn’t enough to keep the series’ triumphant tush on its truthful throne. So, Rovio and Activision teamed up to bring the original Angry Birds threesome to console owners under Angry Birds Trilogy. Still wasn’t enough. So Rovio has really rolled the dice with this decision. Yup, we are indeed going back into space, but all I have to say is–the Force is strong with this one.

In 1977, film producer/screenwriter/director/entrepreneur George W. Lucas, Jr. created the genesis of what would become the greatest space opera epic ever conceived. The Star Wars series’ kickoff, known simply as Star Wars (or Star Wars Episode IV), did so well both critically and commercially it dethroned Jaws as the highest-grossing film in history–that is, until Spielberg fought back with E.T. several years later. Anyway, the point is that Star Wars has been a pretty major series on its own, but to crossover with this? It’s as if Lucas and Gene Roddenberry butted heads in a “Star Wars vs. Star Trek” battle. But seriously–Angry Birds Star Wars sounds pretty cool, doesn’t it? According to Wikipedia, the Angry Birds will make up the Rebels side of the story, while those dastardly Pigs (aka the “Bad Piggies”) will be the Empire. Not much is known about the game’s actual storyline, why the Birds are so Angry, and why the Piggies are so Bad. And Rovio doesn’t have much time left–according to their Tumblr’s countdown, ABSW hits stores in ten days on the 6th next week. But to be honest, it might be something I’d consider checking out–you know, if it ever hits the Chrome Web Store. (Saving money like a boss! ) But luckily, merchandising for the game will be hitting stores today, so you can set your pocket change free! Oh, and speaking of pocket change and stores, ABSW is not taking its powers as a laughing matter…

Angry Birds Star Wars Death Star Jenga (8+) - I told you they weren’t joking. Hasbro seems to be on the right path after their foolish decision to make that Battleship movie a reality, and this seems to be the most fun I’ve ever had with Jenga. Yes, I own the original. Anyway, according to Amazon, this game is not the usual reflex-testing mental challenge that Jenga usually is–it allows you to construct the “Death Star” and proceed to promptly destroy it by pelting it with Birds! Doesn’t that sound like fun?! It also includes an X-wing launcher that holds the slingshots that you will use to launch your Luke Skywalker (red bird), Han Solo (yellow bird), or exclusive Chewie (big brother bird) birds! It also includes “Darth Vader” and four additional Storm Trooper pigs. So, let’s recap: the game will come with the Death Star frame, the Luke Skywalker bird, the Han Solo bird, and the Chewie bird, the Darth Vader pig, the Storm Trooper pigs, the X-wing launcher, 31 Jenga blocks, 1 lock block, a dice, a base, a label sheet, and–of course–an instruction guide. Now, not be Mr. Safe Side, but I also have some more crucial rules if you plan on playing this with kids–besides its 8-and-up age rating, adult assembly is required, I suggest you don’t aim at the eyes or general face, and only use figures designed for the game. Do not try to tinker or modify with the figures or launcher, either. All good? This game costs at a hefty $30 price, but hey–brilliance does not come cheap.

Angry Birds Star Wars Early Fighter Pods Pack (5+) –  For the youngens that aren’t quite ready for Death Star Jenga, we’ve got something special for you too. This pack allows kids from ages 5 and up to bring all the action and excitement of the app to life, reimagining near-and-dear galaxy defenders and offenders as your favorite Angry Birds! This pack includes Princess Leia, Luke Skywalker, Chewie, and an exclusive R2-D2 egg figurine! And, of course, it has two building blocks to construct pillars you’ll be launching at. So, overall, the pack comes with the birds, the R2 egg, the 2 blocks, 1 lightsaber launcher, and an instruction guide. But I do have to warn you; the small parts and balls that come with the game could be potential choking hazards, so keep this away from any kid less than 3 years old. Like in Death Star Jenga, keep away from any eyes or faces that you believe are good launch targets, and do not try to add any perks to the figures or launcher. Now this one only costs $17.35, but I bet it’ll be a great start to have your kids be part of the Angry Birds faithful.

Angry Birds Star Wars Fighter Pods Strike Back series (5+) – Now, Rovio has been so clever with this idea they’ve split into several games. This one seen in the picture, Darth Vader’s Lightsaber Battle, brings the app to life capturing all its destructive glory–but then again, that’s what every ABSW game is set out to do. But this game comes with your own Obi-Wan Kenobi bird, but Darth Vader and his Storm Trooper pigs return as well. The game includes six blocks, the three figures, and a lightsaber hilt meant to create Vader’s lightsaber. This also serves as a potential choking hazard, and it is also a bad idea to aim at the eyes or face, and to use any non-game products or tinker with the real ones. Lightsaber Battle itself only costs $16, but there’s more to the series:

• Jabba’s Palace (5+) – Princess Leia is about to go head-to-head with the Jabba pig and his relentless Rancor pigs! Use the palace piece to create Jabba’s palace, and use the lightsaber launch to send Leia barreling towards Jabba and his Rancors! This game also costs $16.
• Fight on Tatooine (5+) – Take Han Solo and pit him up against Greedo and his Ponda Baba pigs, and you get this game. Create the Mos Eisley Cantina using your special cantina arch, use the lightsaber launcher and–y’know, you should probably know what’s gonna happen next by now.

AT-AT Attack (5+) – Use either the Hoth Pilot or Echo Base Gear edition of Luke Skywalker to assist you in this game. Han Solo and the Rebel Troopers also appear in this battle romp, as well as Vader, the AT-AT Driver, the AT-AT Commander, 2 Snow Troopers and Storm Troopers, and that lovely little R2 egg! (It also includes eight pieces and 21 set blocks to create the AT-AT. This is easily the game that will take the most time and effort to build.) As this is a 5+ game, all safety rules apply–from the choking hazard to the tinkering. Now, this game may be worth the time–it costs $40!

Angry Birds Star Wars plushes - Saw this one coming, didn’t you? Well, you can brighten the days of these Rebel birds or Empire pigs by giving them the snuggles and hugs that every awesome plush deserves! These 5-inch plushes come in many different fashions: Leia, Luke (pictured), Vader, Han, and a Storm Trooper. All these can also be received at once through a 5-plush pack, but every plush except Leia and Vader also comes in 8-inch form! Every 5-inch costs $15, the 5-plush pack costs $130 (I know that’s not 15 x 5!), and every 8-inch costs $40–more specifically $39.99. Well, save for Han who costs $39.95.

So now that you know all about the Angry Birds Star Wars epic–oh, oh wait, I almost forgot something…

…you’ll be ready when it hits the App Store on November 6th! But that’s not all these Birds have up their sleeves…

• Angry Birds Heikki - No, this isn’t a crossover with an incognito Japanese series. It actually revolves around an F1 racer known as Heikki Kovalainen. Coincidentally, he is Finnish–much like Rovio itself! But what makes him so crucial in the world of aviary aviation is that he actually wears an Angry Birds helmet during races. Angry Birds Heikki‘s story is that the pigs have made a getaway with the birds’ eggs using a stone F1 car, but with the Big Brother Bird/Terence being granted with Heikki’s fabled helmet, they are now prepared to strike back with “Heikki Power”. But here’s the catch–it’s a Chrome-exclusive title. (At least, at the Chrome Web Store.)

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Now you all know that the Birds’ ultimate, mortal enemies are the Piggies. In fact, they’re who made them angry in the first place after stealing their eggs. But time after time again, we’ve plotted ways to get rid of the Piggies, to make them bleed bacon bits. And it’s been like this for three years, and the Piggies are sick of it. They’ve actually decided to turn the tables on those Birds, and that’s how they became the stars of the latest Angry Birds spin-off: Bad Piggies.

Now, this is very well the exact opposite of Angry Birds: instead of playing as the fierce and feathered, you’re playing as the green and greedy. Instead of fighting for stolen eggs, you’re actually assisting these Piggies in–well, I wouldn’t say stealing eggs. Bad Piggies went up last month on the 27th, and this game allows you to create and control the adventures of the most unique Bad Piggy in history. This freckled fiend, known by fans as the Freckled Pig, has avocations of constructing both land vehicles and aerial vehicles. Your 3-star goal is to, one way or another, make it to the end of the level where you will be bombed by a box of TNT. Now, the Freckled Pig will be riding in one of his wooden land vehicles, and I’ll assure you that vehicles will get more advanced as the game progresses. Bad Piggies is also the second Rovio game showcasing the Piggies’ new design since the first version, after Angry Birds Space. Four episodes of the game have been released so far:

• Ground Hog Day (Sept. 27, 2012) - When the King Pig, the Freckled Pig, and the Mechanic Pig notice a triad of eggs on another mountain, they upon a map which is promptly blown away by the wind and shattered to smithereens. Freckled Pig must now acquire the pieces of the map to show how to get to the eggs. This episode contains 45 levels.

• When Pigs Fly (Sept. 27, 2012) – Just as it is inferred in the title, this will be the first level introducing Freckled Pig’s aerial vehicles. Following the events of episode one, this episode will also contain 45 levels.

• There is also another title called Sandbox, which was likely released early in the game’s publication as well. It likely has a summer theme to it.

• Flight in the Night (Oct. 25, 2012) – The latest, fourth, and most talked-about episode of Bad Piggies yet, this Halloween special contains 45 levels as usual, and likely has a Halloween theme to it. And the plot of the episode is scary enough: the Angry Birds were just merely sleeping, minding their own business–but their unborn children’s eggs were not as safe. And that’s pretty much all I know about the episode. Any future episodes? Not of this moment in time.

So now you know all about Bad Piggies (and I didn’t forget the trailer this time), you can check it out at the App Store, or on your Mac or Android (it’s even better if you have a Google Play account) right as we speak! If you do play the game, like this post and comment how the experience was. Was it innovative, impressive, intricate? Or disappointing, dumbed-down, and droning? Well, I guess that’s for a week here at 2S2M! Make sure to subscribe, comment, like, reblog, Press This, and stay tuned till further notice! (If you want to, you can even add #angrybirdsstarwars to your comment if you’re truly stoked for the game!)

~S~

Video of the Week: Yup, Toby’s back, but this time he’s taking his sideburns with him! Tobuscus has teamed up with Jacksfilms and SeanKlitzner to bring us his latest new song glorifying the power of sideburns, and it’s already got 4.3 million hits since a few months ago in June! I already got this song stuck in my head and memorized, so why not get a new earworm in your head?

Jolly Good Bookie: Esperanza Rising

I don’t know much about you (albeit you do know much about me), but I do know–hopefully–that you read. It doesn’t really matter if you read about invasions by extraterrestrial forces, or an invasion in the love of two ill-fated mates. It doesn’t matter if you read out in the open at your own time, or behind your elders’ backs under the covers with a flashlight late at night. Everyone reads at sometime, and if you don’t you haven’t reminded your dad to get to your eye exam, or you were just born. And today, the Bookie’s going to be coming back to see if this new book is a dope or a nope, a shark or a minnow, a shepherd or a sheep in the world of books. It’s been critically acclaimed, recognized by Publishers Weekly, the LA Times, the New York Public Library, the Smithsonian, ALA, and so many more. It itself is actually an award winner–but it’s not a Newbery winner, it’s a 2002 Pura Bulpré winner. (How come whenever you think of an award-winning book, you think of a Newbery-winning book?! ) You might have already read this in your middle school curriculum. You might have hated it. Or loved it. Let’s see if I think the same as you do.

From the author that brought you Riding Freedom with the illustrative hand of Brian Selznick, Esperanza Rising (2000) is one of Pam Muñoz Ryan’s first steps into the 21st century in her writing, and possibly one of her most magical and touching. The story of the book is actually a “riches-to-rags” story, as the main character’s family goes from prosperity to near-poverty. And this is the worst time of all for that occur–since the book takes place just after the Mexican Revolution in the Great Depression and the Dust Bowl. Anyway, a young girl known as Esperanza Ortega believed that her life would always be lived well. She would always thrive off her servant-filled home at El Rancho de las Rosas and have spiffy dresses to wear. And she would always be accompanied by her papa Sixto and Abuelita, her grandma. But all of a sudden, Papa and his vaqueros are assaulted and killed by bandits the night before Esperanza’s 13th birthday! After a long while of tears and trials, Esperanza and her mama Ramona are forced to flee their homeland and do an act many immigrants have died trying–crossing the border. Settling at a Mexican migrant camp in California, Esperanza quickly crumbles under the “bitter” of bittersweet, not being able to adapt to a new life of physical and financial labors. But when a dust storm hits, Mama becomes infected with “valley fever” which eventually turns into pneumonia. Now, with the life of Mama and herself on her shoulders, Esperanza must face the music of the peasant’s life and tower over her difficult circumstances–now literally becoming Esperanza rising.

Now, I took Esperanza for granted a lot. It seemed like one of the ordinary Hispanic-based books I’ve read before.  I greatly regretted that as soon as I hit the 200-page mark/climax of the book. This book has lots of gorgeous writing and imagery, and truly magical touches you didn’t see coming. It introduces new characters as the book goes along that greatly change the course of the book, both friendly ones and mean ones. It’s probably the only book I’ve read where drama > comedy, with a down-to-earth perspective that can bring tears to the right readers’ eyes. Now you started to actually feel for the characters and the regular troubles of Mexican immigrants, and it engaged you every step of the way. I think it now truly deserves all the awards and positive reception it’s been given, and just to clear things up–I truly do apologize for initially leaving this book in the cold.

 5 out of 5 – Educational value –  Like how Book Thief taught a light case of German, Esperanza also teaches you a lot of Spanish, repeating Spanish statements in translated English like the said book. “Aguántate tantito y la fruta caerá en tu mano,” means “Wait a little while and the fruit will fall into your hand”, “cosecha” means “harvest”, “algún día” means “someday”, “mi nieta” means “my granddaughter”, etc. Also, each of the 13 chapters is itself a Spanish word that is translated beneath it into an English word: “uvas” = “grapes”, “papayas” = “papayas” (:-?), “higos” = “figs”, “guayabas” = “guavas”, “melones” = “cantaloupes”, “cebollas” = “onions”, “almendras” = “almonds”, “ciruelas” = “plums”, “papas” = “potatoes”, “aguacates” = “avocados”, “espáragos” = “asparagus”, “duraznos” = “peaches”, and “uvas” = “grapes”–again. The book also shows a hefty fine about the lives of 30′s farmworkers, and Ryan goes over even more in the book’s afterword, the author’s note. Strikes, discriminations, and more are also covered, and readers learn some of Esperanza’s labors like how to deal with dirty diapers and cutting “potato eyes”.

 5 out of 5 – Positive messages – Despite having had a perfect life, Esperanza learns that most people don’t always visit Burger King–they can’t have it their way, and must work to make their pay. (Hey, that rhymes! ) She then struggles to adjust to the hard work and sacrifice, but remembers to still be hopeful about starting anew here in America–after all, “hope” is the English  translation of her name. Esperanza’s family is just as–oh wait, we save that for the role modeling section.

5 out of 5 – Positive role models – Nearly everyone in Esperanza itself is kind, wise, and loving. Esperanza’s family is just as gentle, courageous and optimistic as she is, with a magic touch and silver tongue that can even make the evilest crack a small smile. (And not one out of fiendish delight.) Even a worker on Esperanza’s “list” turns out to receive her helping hand for sympathetic causes. Ryan even makes sure not to side with anyone or anything, letting her readers see why workers would and wouldn’t want to be involved.

5 out of 5 – Ease of view – Esperanza Rising is a great, influential, and ultimately heart-warming pick that manages to both entertain and educate without a single spill, combining its impeccable imagery with gorgeous and realistic points-of-view to make for one of those books that you’ll remember for a long, long time. And although it is a Hispanic title, Ryan goes out of her way to make sure nothing is incomprehensible, from words to actions.

2 out of 5 – Violence – Esperanza’s father is ambushed and killed by bandits, although the murder is not directly seen–only lightly described and foreshadowed. This is easily the saddest part of the book, both at the bad timing of the scenario and its effect. Right after that, the bank president/Esperanza’s uncle Tío Luis sets El Rancho de las Rosas on fire, with Esperanza and family barely escaping. Esperanza is forced to travel to California without Abuelita due to her severe health conditions (swollen ankle and all), initially believing she had died. On the way, Esperanza also meets what is likely the only young antagonist of the story–Marta. Esperanza does not take her harsh words very kindly, nor does she likely appreciate her support in Mexican striking. Esperanza herself was caught in the middle of one of Marta’s strike speeches, comparing inexpressive workers to cats. In another strike, one of the strikers chucks a rock at a worker, barely missing her head. A dust storm hits unexpectedly, causing another nerve-racking moment. Esperanza finds some of her older comrades, their faces so stricken with dust that Ryan narrated that they reminded Esperanza of cracked pottery. Mama is quarantined in her hospital bed, the doctors not allowing anyone to entrance due to the possibility of further infections from foreign germs. Esperanza learns how to cut “potato eyes”, also learning about their “dimples”. Her friend Miguel also robs her of her own money orders [meant to pay for the price of getting Mama back home], filling her with horror and anger.

 1 out of 5 – Inappropriate Content – Miguel’s mother Hortensia (Spanish for hydrangea) almost always gives Esperanza her baths, even having to undress her first. Tío Luis also nags at Mama to take his hand in marriage (typical villain deed), and Esperanza and Miguel share a merely platonic friendship–nothing saucy, syrupy, or steamy.

0 out of 5 - Language – This aspect is not applicable.

0 out of 5 – Product Placement – This aspect is not applicable.

0 out of 5 – Drinking, Drugs, and/or Smoking – This aspect is not applicable.

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Smarts: A+ (5 points)

Read-Again Ratio: A+ (5 points)

Fun: A (4 points)

Entertainment: A+ (5 points)

Humor: A (4 points)

Style: A- (4 points)

FINAL SCORE: 27 out of 30 (this deserves no emoticon), 5 stars out of 5, 90% out of 100%

CONSENSUS: It’s not a big surprise that Esperanza Rising may be one of the most engrossing Hispanic historicals you’ll ever read, engaging readers with its flawless imagery, gorgeous visual, and plenty of education in the midst of its entertainment. No matter how many pulls your heartstrings are forced to take, you will likely start this book with enough time to finish it.

………………………….

Perfect scores? Who needs perfect scores, Esperanza is still an amazing book! Anyway, that’s all the time we have this week. Stay tuned until next time for more awesomeness courtesy of Sammwak! Who knows what it’ll be? A JGB review, a Picks for Popcorn review, heck even a YouTube treasure might finally wash up!

Stay classy America,

~S~

Video of the Week: When you think Weezer, you might think “Say It Ain’t So”, believing that it’s the most popular song of their career. Uh, wrong. Despite it being one of the three tracks that made their original “blue album” a hit, their real breakthrough didn’t come until 2008. It spawned a Grammy-winning music video that was one of the most notorious YouTube videos of that time, and critics were raving over the track. Coming from their “red album”, at over 7 million hits, Weezer makes their own “Le Internet Medley”–”Pork and Beans”. (See how many memes you can find and comment below.)

The Jolly Good Bookie’s First Volume of Press-Stopping News

Hey guys it’s Sam. I know, it’s been a while. It’s been a whole darn summer since I reported here. Anyway, I can come out of the closet and announce that I am a bibliophile. It has nothing to do with a pedophile, as the definition states: “A person who collects or has a great love of books”. Now it all makes sense, doesn’t it? And I know I love books as much as you love books. And you probably haven’t heard from the bookish mainstreams, but now I’ve crunched together all the most important details to get you saving your dollars for their opening days–unless they’re already out. And luckily, I persuaded my ole friend, the Jolly Good Bookie, to finally quit reviewing for one week. Anyway, as my duty states, here the Bookie is with what’s cooking in the kitchens of your favorite book series.

(Just to inform you, the actual date is the 13th.) What’s cooking’ in Jeff Kinney’s Diary of a Wimpy Kid series? Well, the previous title Cabin Fever did pretty good to continue the Wimpy Kid year-round streak, but it wasn’t the best book out there. I know since I’ve personally read it. If you’d check on Amazon, the book only got a 4.6/5-star rating, which is typical for the series–as it’s been shared with four other entries. But this book plans to bring a new lease on both the lives of its readers, and–of course–our “wimpy kid” himself, Greg Heffley’s. And Wimpy Kid has already reached its seventh installment. Wow, seven really is a lucky number–but not for Greg. Now love’s in the air, and he’s about to get intoxicated in the upcoming title, The Third Wheel. As you can see by Greg’s picture, and this year’s book color, you can come to a conclusion that this will be the chronicle of poor Greg’s “Valentine’s Day disaster”. His world is flipped upside down when a Valentine’s dance rears its head at Greg’s school. As Greg races against the clock to find a date, he’s worried he’ll only be an outsider looking in on the big night. Rowley, on the other hand, shares Greg’s bachelor status, but it’s obviously not as much of an apocalypse for him. But all of a sudden Greg ends up “occupied”, sticking Rowley’s head back under the sand. But one night can hold a lot, and it’s really incognito who’s going to be the homey with the honey, the buddy with the baby, the laddie with the lady.

Third Wheel was officially announced back in March, and its title and cover was shown in May. When a post about the book landed on the Publishers Weekly website, Kinney had this to say: ”I’ve been really overwhelmed by the worldwide reception to the books. This is my chance to say thank you. I’m still having a lot of fun with the books, and there are still a lot of stories to tell.” But this post was released at announcement day, so Kinney also included, “I’ve only written about a third of it. And I haven’t drawn a single picture yet. But it’s all in my head and on my phone.” And hopefully when he’s finished taking the rest of his story off his mind and phone, he’ll have two-hundred pages of more uproars to give us when Third Wheel‘s arrow of love hits the bullseye on November 13th.

But that’s not all Heffley’s had to offer. 2 Marches ago, accompanying the first-ever Wimpy Kid film, there was a movie tie-in Wimpy Kid Movie Diary that came with it. It was the first chronicle of Heffley’s to be nonfiction, and it gave us a whopper of behind-the-scenes looks at the movie, from scenes that didn’t make the cut, to what happened when the “Heffley family” first met, to even how they made the Cheese. And with the Rodrick Rules movie that came out last year, Kinney dove into action and made the 1st revised edition of the movie diary that also captured how the second movie was made. And with Dog Days in theaters–you guessed it–there has been a 2nd revised edition of the Wimpy Kid Movie Diary. This version now features the story behind all 3 movies, and it’s been out since July this year. And it’s been dubbed “the perfect companion to the bestselling series” by Amazon–and hopefully, rightfully so.

Since his start in midsummer 1992, R.L. Stine has persisted to dedicate his terrifying but terrific works to young audiences. This is how he became the “Stephen King of children’s literature”. But I bet it’s been a question that’s been asked for ages at a time: “Will R.L. Stine ever make a book for adults?” Well, excepting the original Fear Street series (which was aimed for teens), I guess R.L.’s never actually made one of those syrupy horror books for big kids–until now. Before, kids read Stine’s work by the flashlight late at night. Now, they’ll have to stay as far away from this book as possible to avoid–the Red Rain. RL was here before JK Rowling wrote Harry Potter, before Stephenie Meyer wrote Twilight, before Suzanne Collins wrote Gregor and The Hunger Games. And in this book, travel writer Lea Sutter finds herself on an island off the coast of South Carolina–which turned out to be the wrong place at the wrong time. An unanticipated and unexpected hurricane hits hard, but Lea escapes by the skin of her teeth. After the storm, she discovers two twin orphan boys that Lea decides to adopt from the bottom of her heart. The boys, Sam and Dan, seem sweet as honey with extra sugar, but there’s only one problem–Lea’s real family back at Long Island (her husband Mark, a child psycho–ologist, and two other kids) doesn’t really approve of the new additions. But even they can’t foresee the true natures of the boys–or predict that in a few weeks Mark would be smack in the middle of a brutal double kill, with the police restricting his breathing space. And they’re not willing to take a few steps back. This seems to be an ideal pick for those who grew up getting goosebumps, and is finally getting to spend an ideally aimed bit of time with him once more. Now, it won’t be coming out until October 9 (how convenient ), but you can still pre-order it at places like Amazon.

Now, we all remember how big of a flop “Big Nate” Wright went through with his second installment, Big Nate Strikes Again. It became my second Musketeer of Failure, it got a 2/10 rating in my first and only Page Flip review, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah. Now, Nate was able to apologize for this in Big Nate on a Roll, but it still wasn’t enough. I had finally made ends meet with Nate by the time Big Nate Goes for Broke came out. Now hopefully after several years of disappointment Nate’s got a few tricks up his sleeve still. And he’s got twice the amount of books to prove it! Let’s start off with Big Nate Fun Blaster. Fun Blaster is the official sequel to Big Nate Boredom Buster, which despite its bountiful gusto only put in minimal effort to impress me. I said strictly in my Google Books review, “BOREDOM BUSTER is a pretty keen entry into the BIG NATE saga, filled with innovative activities and opportunities–the only problem is that, like usual, it stalks in WIMPY KID’s footsteps and attempts to follow its every move. Unfortunately, the Buster can’t even do that with its untidy games and puzzles that are just as arduous as it forcing you to play several games of increasingly-frustrating Sudoku. And to add to that, it drowns out its dulled expectations to go with it–but fatal flaws and pet peeves aside, BOREDOM BUSTER is a somewhat memorable story for the spiky-haired kid.” Hopefully, Fun Blaster can fill all those holes.

Apparently it’s got brand-new activities (better not be more Sudoku ) including more Sudoku puzzles (spoke too soon ), trivias (been there), fancy Timber Scout badges, create-your-own comics, codes to crack, mazes, poetry slams (done that), ridiculous rhymes, Mad Libs, and more. You get to have your hand at over 500 colorless illustrations. Hopefully I might be saving my dollars for this one. Especially since it’s already out.

The next one, Big Nate Flips Out, is indeed the Big Nate 5 we’ve been waiting for. Now, let’s explain the story: If you take Nate’s name and do a little anagram scrambling, you’d get “neat”, which–if you’ve seen his locker–is pretty ironic. But let’s just say “Nate” < “Neat”. But when his sloppiness gets his bestie Francis in hot water, Nate feels that dreaded pang of guilt. But his second bestie Teddy just happens to be related to a hypnotist. So, when some mind games occur, Nate ends up actually bumping up on the class ranks. Which is obviously crystal-clear evidence that he’s flipping out. (Big Nate 5‘s still working out those post-announcement incognito kinks. It’s not even up on bignatebooks.com!) Yeah, there’s not much that people have learned about Big Nate 5, but it looks to be the most promising entry yet. Now, you’ve got plenty of time to save up, since the book doesn’t come out until–gulp–next February. 8-0 I know, I know, news of the world, right? But it’s better to tell news super-early than super-late or with barely enough time to think it over.

The final one, Big Nate: All Work and No Play: A Collection of Sundays, is the upcoming ninth comic collection in the Big Nate series. Starting the year after Nate debuted back in 1992, the first-ever comic compilation was made: Add More Babes! (I assume Nate was a hopeless romantic in the 90s–emphasis on the “hopeless” part.) I’ve actually had one of his compilations before (Big Nate From the Top, the third) so I know firsthand how to relate to them. In this installment–well, is there really anything to really talk about? It’s just a bunch of old Big Nates slapped together for over 100 separate laughs. And those laughs will be hitting the bookstores next month on the 23rd. Yippy skippy. (To add to that, there are more comic collections from this year that have already hit the market: What Could Possibly Go Wrong from May, and Here Goes Nothing and Makes the Grade both from August.)

Unless you’re in at least the fourth grade, you’ve probably never heard from Geronimo Stilton in a long time. Stilton being the editor-in-chief for The Rodent’s Gazette, the most famouse (I’m pretty sure I spelled that right) paper in not just New Mouse City, but all of Mouse Island. I’ve read every single one of his books up to The Karate Mouse (#40), including Kingdom of Fantasy, and I haven’t heard a squeak from him since. Well, he’s still intact, folks. In fact over the course of the year Geronimo released a new book every 3 months: The Mystery in Venice (Jan), The Way of the Samurai (Apr), This Hotel is Haunted! (Jul), and the most recent one–which we’ll be discussing today–The Enormouse Pearl Heist. Now, Geronimo and his family surely ain’t no stranger towards a good treasure hunt. They’ve seen the Emerald Eye, the Ruby of Fire, even sunken treasure. But this one knocks all the others out of the water like a good crab pinch. (Speaking of crabs, have you checked out Surf’s Up, Geronimo?) One day Stilton and friends come across a huge oyster–and with every huge oyster comes a huge pearl! Geronimo got so amped over the discovery that he wrote a headlining story about it in the latest edition of Rodent’s Gazette. BIG MISTAKE. The article got as much attention as Geronimo intended–unfortunately, some of it wasn’t just for excitement. And now the pearl’s in danger of falling into grubby hands! Will Geronimo fix the problem he started and successfully defend the pearl? Or will he and his big mouth walk away with their tail in between their legs?

Now, as much as I want to read the book, I sorta can’t–I got some catching up to do! But something tells me this book is gonna cost $7–oh yeah, you can order the book on Amazon! While it’s apparently not hitting  stores until early October, retailers already have the book in stock. So I need to fully wrap my hands around this situation before things get weirded out. But there have already been more titles announced into the new year before you could say “Man or mouse?” Mouse in Space! is expected next February, and Rumble in the Jungle is expected next April. (Starting the cycle all over again, huh? ) It could possibly be some sort of spiritual successor to Four Mice Deep in the Jungle (#5). I DON’T KNOW. And just to keep you updated with Geronimo’s fellow series…

• Kingdom of Fantasy: The fourth installment, The Dragon Prophecy, was already released this month, but no further titles have been announced as of now.

• Thea Stilton and the Thea Sisters: The Prince’s Emerald already hit stores this month, but expect The Mystery on the Orient Express coming out in its December release. And watch your head for The Dancing Shadows next March. And it looks like the Sisters are embarking to their own kingdom of fantasy! Check out The Journey to Atlantis when it hits stores next month!

• Creepella von Cacklefur: Remember that really creepy mouse that napped Geronimo in Cacklefur Castle (#22)? Well, she’s got her own series.  Return of the Vampire took a bite out of many people’s wallets last month, but Creepella plans to make a return–and she’s bringing Geronimo with her! Check out their “late night bites” in an installment to die for: Fright Night. Do note that the release date for the book has not yet been determined.

• Cavemice: This is easily one of the most interesting Stilton books I’ll be waiting for. In this Stone Age-timed book, Geronimo’s ancestor finally gets his shining light! In The Stone of Fire, the series’ upcoming kickoff, Geronimo Stiltonoot is one of the many cavemice around. He runs the stone paper in the prehistoric village of Old Mouse City (:D), and his life is nonetheless full of adventure from dinosaurs to meteorites! Unfortunately, it’ll have to be a big wait until the book comes out, as it won’t be seen until next January.
• Graphic Novels: PapercutZ has been now releasing Stilton graphic novels since 2009. Geronimo’s most recent one, Geronimo Saves the Olympics, was a June title. Now he’ll be having two releases for his fans to look forward to: We’ll Always Have Paris for next month, and The First Samurai for next March. Thea will also be getting in on the fun next April with The Secret of Whale Island.

Lemony Snicket is no stranger to beating around the bushes. He frequently warns his readers not to continue reading his chronicles, he uses countless amounts of melancholy themes, and he ultimately makes you feel bad for reading his stories–but that’s what gets you hooked. And it was in A Series of Unfortunate Events where he put his writing skills to the test with the wee Baudelaire orphans: Klaus, Violet, and Sunny. It quickly became a commercial and critical success, leading to the production of a movie in 2004 from the director of Casper. While it’s still swimming for a sequel in seas of success (including an Oscar for Best Makeup), Lemony kind of put out his lantern as soon as the unfortunate events came to a curtain call in 2006. But he still proceeded to make books in a peculiarly new light; he actually started making children’s books. Some of these titles include The Latke Who Couldn’t Stop Screaming and The Lump of Coal. But now Lemony’s finally back to the dark roots at which he first rose to notoriety in this brand new series. It’ll be just like the unfortunate events, it looks just as gothic as the unfortunate events, it’s actually gonna be a prequel to the unfortunate events. It is the upcoming debut of All the Wrong Questions, Who Could That Be At This Hour? Now, this book serves as some sort of semi-fictionalized autobiography (unlike Snicket’s Unauthorized Autobiography), as the hero of the story is young Lemony himself. In a fading town far away from anyone who he put his wisdom and reliability on, Lemony began his apprenticeship in an unknown organization. He started by asking questions that shouldn’t even have come to mind in the first place. Now he’s written an account that shouldn’t be published, split into four equally woeful volumes that shouldn’t be read. And this is the first. (Not much of a plot, but his–uh–er–fellow ghostwriter stated that the series would approach “that question mark” at a different point of view. That mark being the Great Unknown, a mysterious entity seen in Grim Grotto and The End as a mere question mark.)

Unfortunately, the Baudelaires will not be sticking around for a second adventure, although the two series will frequently be overlapping. Snicket’s ghostwriter stated that the saga was “mostly an entirely new story”, and stated that close and keen-eyed readers of the series would see overlaps, although it wouldn’t be a continuation. It was announced as far back as summer 2009 when Egmont Publishing got the rights to a new Snicket series. Here in North America, Little, Brown and Company (known for publishing series like Psuedonymous Bosch’s Secret series) got to the rights. Hopefully, Lemony’s still got that darkness in him when Who Could That Be at This Hour? sneaks into stores on October 23rd. Luckily, if you’ve got something like an eBook, a Google Play account, or a real good track of subscriptions, you don’t have to wait as long. Chapters of the book have already been released: Entertainment Weekly put up chapter one on June 1st, and Guardian.co.uk followed three days later with the chapter illustration. Further illustrations and chapter two were put up on the 667 Dark Avenue website (the title being the address of the villainous Esmé G.G. Squalor. If you don’t know who she is, then I prefer you read Ersatz Elevator) to celebrate Snicket’s ghostwriter’s birthday. At BookExpo America, the first two chapters were released in promo attache cases. At the series website, http://www.lemonysnicketlibrary.com, the two chapters were also put up. The third and fourth chapters finally surfaced among the first two in eBook form on Amazon and on Google Play. Speaking of Amazon, you can order the book now for $8.88, with 44% of the savings. Or you could buy the Kindle version for $10. Or you could buy the audio version for $15.50, if you want to be fancy. It’s your pick, and neither one benefits more than the other.

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Now, before I start spilling into volume two, let’s wrap this one up like a big scarf around a cold neck! Come back next time (I think?) for the Bookie’s second volume of press-stopping–yes, Bookie, you do have to put up another week’s worth of news…I frankly don’t care if you miss reviewing! Now go put it on your schedule…I’m not falling for that old “I forgot it again” trick, Bookie. Do you want me to discontinue your series?…That’s what I thought. Sorry for the inconvenience, folks, but you can check out me and my jolly good friend some time in a possible date in the future. Won’t we, Bookie?

~S~

Quote of the Week: “What does a winner do when life gives him lemons?…He squeezes them right back into life’s eyes!” – Gumball’s mom, The Amazing World of Gumball (“The Fridge”, 2012, Cartoon Network)

Video of the Week: Me being a book reviewer, I like to waste my minutes randomly and aimlessly searching the YouTube world for book reviews that–at least–compare to my caliber. And I found one little kid who might have more talent in his hand than I might have in my whole upper torso. But hey–nothing says honor like a good challenge. His name’s Junaid Hameed (or in his YouTube alias,  thisisagoodbook), and he comes from the country of the British (surprisingly). While he’s done reviews for books like BFG and the first three in the series of unfortunate events, one review really stood out to me. It was the first one I ever saw of him. What made me really appreciate him and whack that subscribe button like I just finished the greatest book in the world. Surprisingly, the review’s only gotten as far as almost 200 views since October 2011! What kind of sick, sick world are book reviewers like us forced to live in? Well, anyway, this is Junaid’s review for one of Lemony Snicket’s first delves into the kids’ book world: The Lump of Coal.